5 tips for new grandparents

23 Feb 2016

How exciting! You have a grandchild on the way and you’re really keen to be involved in the baby’s life when he or she arrives. However, it’s not always easy to know how to properly support the parents in a practical way and how to make that relationship work when there’s a baby.

Here is some advice to help you out from Christine Minogue, a Sydney-based mothercraft nurse and author of Bringing Baby Home.

Communicate before the baby arrives

If your grandchildren are yet to arrive, chat to the parents about your role in their lives when they are born, advises Christine.

“This needs to happen before the baby is born because once it arrives, it all becomes completely emotional. The big thing that I’ve seen is once there’s that tension, the parents will close down and they’ll close the grandparents out - and that goes both ways,” says Christine.  

“Then there are some people who want to be standard grandparents and just want to see their grandkids on the weekend and that’s lovely, but there’s an expectation from the parents that the grandparents will be there to babysit.”

Don’t say ‘back in my day’

“Grandparents need to be open to how the parents are raising their baby. You’ve raised your own children really well and now they’re about to raise babies of their own,” explains Christine.

Rather than telling the parents what took place back when you were a parent, it’s important to empower them and support them in their decisions.

“If a young mum is anxious and needs consistent reassuring, I’d say the grandparent should walk in and say, ‘Where are you at?’ and offer their help,” suggests Christine.

“So if the young mum is trying to get the baby to sleep, maybe the grandparent can say, ‘Show me what you’re doing so I can do the same thing for your baby’. Then you open that window of possibility and the young parents will let you in to help them.”

Find out about new sleeping techniques

One thing that is totally different these days when it comes to child rearing is the practices around safe sleeping for babies. When you were a parent, you may have slept your own child on his or her side or front. Now, kids are being raised on their backs until they roll around, says Christine.

It’s important that you understand how sleeping practices have changed and discuss them with your own children so they feel more confident in leaving their baby with you.

It’s also advised that you sign up for a First Aid course, check out the CPR and SIDS websites and ensure that your whooping cough vaccines are up to date, adds Christine.

Be aware of post-natal depression

In this day and age, anxiety and depression are much more openly discussed and it’s important that you educate yourself on some of the red flags of post-natal depression, just in case your daughter or daughter-in-law might be struggling. For more information, visit: http://www.panda.org.au

Take it easy

If you don’t have a very strong relationship with your daughter or daughter-in-law, just help out in simple, low-key ways. For example, you could just drop a meal in with her in the first week, ask her how she’s going and then leave. From there, you can determine whether or not they might be ready to take the relationship further.

“But if you come in and say, ‘I want to do all the washing, take care of the baby and make you a meal’, that may be quite overwhelming to a new parent,” warns Christine.

Consider what items you may need to purchase for your home

If you plan to babysit when the baby arrives, you may want to buy certain products for your own home, such as a car seat, a cot, nappies and so on.

On the other hand, it’s also important to be flexible, as some parents may prefer it if you came to them when babysitting your grandchild, advises Christine.